Episode 3

 On today's episode: a person does not understand we are underpaid schedulers and a lady loses her mind.

patient: Hi, I need to schedule a test.

me: What test do you need?

pt: A mammogram of my foot.

me: *pause* I'm sorry, a mammogram of what?

pt: Of my foot. I need a mammogram of my foot. Is it like the breast? Will they be squeezing my foot?

me: Mammograms are only done on the breast. Are you sure that your order says mammogram?

pt: Yes! At least I thought it was. Let me read it. U-S foot.

me: US is ultrasound, not mammogram.

pt: And that's why you get paid the big bucks to schedule my tests.

me: Big bucks, yep. Totally. 

patient: Hi! I need a psychiatrist, and don't transfer me like the last girl. I'm about to jump off a bridge.

me: Well if you are for sure feeling like jumping off a bridge, then you should be coming to the ER right away.

pt: I'm not actually going to jump off a bridge, I just needed to get your attention so you didn't transfer me. I'm tired of waiting on hold and being sent to a different department.

me: Jumping off a bridge is not something to joke about. And besides, I cannot schedule a psychiatrist appointment. You have to call their office.

pt: Well that's too much work. I'd rather jump off a bridge!

me: Again, that is not something to joke about. If you truly feel that way you need to be coming to the ER. Otherwise, you have to call the office.

Episode Two

Today's Episode: Tales of a Karen

Me: Hi, we received a referral from your doctor to schedule diabetes education courses.

Patient: Okay, sure I guess I can schedule a time.

me: great, would you prefer an in person course or a virtual one?

pt: I only want in person.

me: So that means the next available is July 14. Is that an okay day for you?

pt: Holy crap that's almost three weeks away. That most certainly won't do I need something next week.

me: Well, the department is booked next week for in person courses, but if you absolutely need in person I can transfer you to the department directly and they can see if there is a way to squeeze you into the schedule. Would you like me to do that?

pt: Oh goodness yes, I need ASAP

me: Great, I'll transfer you.

*two hours later*

coworker: Hey Emily, can I transfer this lady to you? She is calling about her nutrition therapy course and she is very upset. I can't seem to help her and all she is doing is yelling.

me: sure, that's fine. I talked with her earlier I'll talk to her again.

me: Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: Yes, I need to schedule my nutrition course ASAP. This is ridiculous I left a message two hours ago and still have not gotten a call back. Now I'm being transferred to you. Why is your hospital so unorganized I don't understand.

me: Well, the instructor is in a course right now, so if you left a message she may have not gotten to it just yet as she is finishing up. Did you still want an in person course?

pt: I don't even want to come to this hospital anymore.  I haven't gotten a call back and she should have called me after 15 minutes. I cannot believe I've been waiting this long to schedule an appointment.

me: I'm sorry about that, but if you only can do in person and don't want to wait until the 14th of July, there is not much else I can do to help you. You'd have to talk to the instructor directly to see if she can squeeze you somewhere in her schedule so that you can have in person sooner.

pt: You absolutely will NOT transfer me again, I am tired of being sent around from person to person. What kind of customer service is this? Everyone should be able to do the same job are you stupid or something? Just put me somewhere on the schedule!

me: Just to be clear, you want somewhere on the schedule which means that it will be a virtual course. 

pt: Just put me on the f*cking schedule. I'll do a virtual class if it gets me an appointment and off the phone with you.

me: Okay, July 5th they have a 10am.

pt: Wonderful. Finally you are doing your job.

Episode One

Hello world, and welcome to Tales of an Underpaid Scheduler, where the craziness and silliness of working in outpatient scheduling is made public.

Tonight's episode: mammograms.

patient: Hi! I'm calling to schedule a mammogram. 

me: Is your order for a screening or diagnostic mammogram?

pt: Yes, it's for a diagnostic mammogram.

me: Alright, and what is the diagnosis that's written on the order?

pt: Follow up. It's my 6 month follow up.

me: Okay, well next available is July 6. 

pt: Are you serious? That far away? I'm having issues I cannot wait that long.

me: Well, if you are having issues then you'll need a new order with a diagnosis of what the issues are.

pt: Not true. it's obvious what the issues are. You are not clinical, you don't understand. So schedule me ASAP.

me: I'm sorry, but if there are issues the department does need to know what those issues are and they will need a new order. A follow up is one thing, but if you are having issues that is another thing that requires a new order.

pt: I want to speak to the manager you don't know what you're talking about.

me: Okay, if you insist.  

pt: Hi, i'm calling to schedule a mammogram.

me: And is it a screening or diagnostic?

pt: Yes.

me: No, which one is it. A screening mammogram or a diagnostic mammogram?

pt: I already told you, yes.

me: I don't think you understand. There are two different kinds of mammograms and I need to know which one I am scheduling you for. Which one does your order say, screening or diagnostic?

pt: No, I don't think you are understanding me. I already answered your question.

me: It's not a yes or no response. I think there is some sort of disconnect. Please read to me what your order says, if it is a screening or diagnostic mammogram.

pt: Yes! 

me: I'm sorry ma'am, but I cannot move forward with scheduling with that information. Please read to me what your order says.

pt: m-a-m-m-o-g-r-a-m. I already told you.

me: