On today's episode: a person does not understand we are underpaid schedulers and a lady loses her mind.
patient: Hi, I need to schedule a test.
me: What test do you need?
pt: A mammogram of my foot.
me: *pause* I'm sorry, a mammogram of what?
pt: Of my foot. I need a mammogram of my foot. Is it like the breast? Will they be squeezing my foot?
me: Mammograms are only done on the breast. Are you sure that your order says mammogram?
pt: Yes! At least I thought it was. Let me read it. U-S foot.
me: US is ultrasound, not mammogram.
pt: And that's why you get paid the big bucks to schedule my tests.
me: Big bucks, yep. Totally.
patient: Hi! I need a psychiatrist, and don't transfer me like the last girl. I'm about to jump off a bridge.
me: Well if you are for sure feeling like jumping off a bridge, then you should be coming to the ER right away.
pt: I'm not actually going to jump off a bridge, I just needed to get your attention so you didn't transfer me. I'm tired of waiting on hold and being sent to a different department.
me: Jumping off a bridge is not something to joke about. And besides, I cannot schedule a psychiatrist appointment. You have to call their office.
pt: Well that's too much work. I'd rather jump off a bridge!
me: Again, that is not something to joke about. If you truly feel that way you need to be coming to the ER. Otherwise, you have to call the office.
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