The Rambler
pt: Hi, I have an appointment for a colonoscopy and my doctor said "Hey, you should get an ultrasound-lets not wait for the colonoscopy" so he gave me an order and I think it's of my abdomen but I'm not quite sure and I can't really read it. I should be in your system I'm there all the time. I had an aneurysm once and I was born there. My brother also comes there a lot and I go with him. I should have a wing named after my already! HAHA. So let's go. How do we do this? what do you need? Let's get this thing going.
me: 
The Complainer
pt: I need the next available appointment.
me: Next available is July 26.
pt: Holy crap, that far out?
me: I can give you the number for the other locations if you'd like to try there to get in sooner.
pt: I'll die before then!
me: So does that mean you want the other phone numbers?
pt: No! I'll just die!
me: If you say so.
The Man Who Needs a Lesson in Talking to People
pt: The doctor told me to call and schedule.
me: What test do you need?
pt: Well I don't know!
me: Who is the doctor?
pt: Jeez lady I don't know that either!
me: You don't know your own doctor's name or what test you need?
pt: Open your ears that's what I said!
me: Alright well I can't help you because I need that information to schedule a test.
pt: Listen, I need a test. My doctor said to call!
me: But you don't know the doctor's name? And you don't know what test you need. I am not quite sure what I can do to help. I'm sorry.
pt: Just schedule me already!!
me: I'm sorry, I can't.
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