Episode 6

 All this and it's not even noon. Can it be the weekend already?

8:40AM

pt: I left a message 40 minutes ago and haven't gotten a call back yet. Is *lady in the department (LITD) here yet?

me: I'm not sure I'd have to transfer you.

pt: That's so unprofessional I need to talk to LITD.

me: I'm sorry she hasn't called you back yet, but it is still early. She may not be in the office just yet. Like I said, I'd have to transfer you. 

pt: All medical staff needs to be in by 7am. I need my appointment ASAP and I will not wait any longer.

9:15AM

pt: I'm rescheduling for my husband.

me: For the US Abdomen?

pt: That's the test, but it's for his butt.

me: I'm sorry?

pt: His butt. He has a bump on his butt. I dunno, he's a weird guy. He looks funny now.

me: 

9:45AM

pt: Hi, I am calling because my mother has rib pain and she needs an appointment.

me: Do you have an order for an outpatient test or are you calling to schedule with a doctor's office?

pt: Doctor's appointment. She needs a doctor.

me: We only schedule outpatient testing do you'll have to call her doctor's offce directly to set up an appointment.

pt: Well what doctor?

me: Her PCP or specialist, whoever she typically sees as her doctor.

pt: Well is the doctor in network with our insurance?

me: I can't tell you that, I only schedule outpatient testing. You have to call the office for that information.

pt: Well why can't you just tell me?

me: Like I just said, I only schedule outpatient testing. Call the doctors office for that information.

pt: But I want you to tell me.

*how I imagined her in my head*

10:30AM

pt: Good afternoon, I need to schedule a sclerma-derma.

me: Um, I'm sorry repeat that?

pt: A sclerma-derma. You know, the thing I do every year.

me: I do not know what that is.

pt: It's a scan. 

me: What does your order say?

pt: CT lumbar spine for s-c-o-l-i-o-s-i-s. Sclerma-derma. Just like I spelled.