Episode 7

 HOLY CRAP. Today was a long day. Can it be the weekend already?

pt: Hi, I need to cancel my appointment for tomorrow.

me: Great! It's been canceled, you're all set.

pt: Woah, woah, woah, wait a second. I want to reschedule my appointment. My schedule is wide open. I'll take any day, any time.

me: What about July 14th?

pt: That works.

me: Great. You're all set now for Wednesday, July 14.

pt: Actually, I have Mondays and Fridays off. Can you look for one of those days instead?

me:                 

pt: I have an order for blood work. Is that just a walk in?

me: Yep, just a walk in. Open Monday through Saturday.

pt: And you said that you had a number for me to schedule a vaccine?

me: Wait, I said that?

pt: Yeah, you just said that. 

me: I'm sorry I am confused. When did I say that?

pt: Well you didn't, but I want a phone number.

me: Place where I work scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: Is this the ER?

me: No, this is central scheduling. We schedule outpatient testing.

pt: So this is the ER?

me: 

pt: Do you have anything available on the 3rd, 4th, or 5th of this month?

me: Well...today is the 6th. So unfortunately, no.

pt: So nothing on the 2nd either?

pt: Hi, I'm calling to schedule a sleep study.

me: Sleep studies are only done at the other location as our sleep lab is closed.  Would you like their phone number for their scheduling?

pt: Okay, I just need the number for your facility so I can schedule.

me: Like I said, our location does not do sleep studies. You have to call the other location. Would you like their phone number?

pt: I need your facility.

me: Again, our location is unavailable. The sleep lab here is closed.

pt: You're telling me your location is unavailable? It's closed!?

my inner thoughts: Is there an echo or are we talking to another dummy?

pt: Hi, I had surgery eight years ago at a different hospital but they were supposed to send over records to some doctor in your hospital. Can you tell me who the doctor is that received the records?

me: I am sorry, this is central scheduling. We only schedule outpatient testing. If you need to know that information I suggest you contact the hospital sending the records to see where they sent them.

pt: Can't you just pull up my account and look?

me: We only schedule outpatient testing, like I said. That is beyond my abilities within my job.

pt: Come on, are you sure you can't just look for me?

me: Please stop. I can't. Call your other doctor.