Episode 70

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I'm in the hospital now and I need a CT scan so I want to do it today while I'm here.

me: Are you inpatient?

pt: Yes, that's what in the hospital means.

me: Well actually no, in the hospital could mean you are there for a doctor's appointment, or test, or infusion. There's a lot of things that it could mean. 

pt: I'm in the hospital, sitting here in a bed. Is that what you needed? Now just set up my appointment.

me: This is outpatient scheduling. If you are inpatient then you have to talk with your nurse and have them coordinate the test.

pt: Stop with all the political talk. I need a test and you are scheduling, so set up my appointment.

me: Again, this is outpatient scheduling. You are inpatient, so you'll have to talk with your nurse and have them coordinate the test to see if it can be done while you are inpatient.

pt: I know I don't meet all the Ps and Qs but make an exception. Just stop with all the proper speak and schedule.

me: I'm sorry, but no. I can't schedule an outpatient test while you are an inpatient.

pt: So I have to go out and get her from outside the door?

me: If that's where your nurse is, then yes.

pt: Just stop this now. Set up my damn test. I don't care about policies and procedures. I'm here now, I want my test.

me: I have told you multiple times. This is outpatient scheduling. You are inpatient. If you need an appointment while you're inpatient, you need to talk with your nurse.

pt: Are you dumb? I told you I don't care about policies and procedures. I don't care I don't meet the Ps and Qs. Schedule my damn test.

me: Nope, I won't be spoken to that way. I have told you I can't schedule. So talk with your nurse.