Episode 74

 me: Central scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: Good afternoon!!

*silence*

me: Can I help you?

pt: I said GOOD AFTERNOON!!

me: Yes, how can I help you?

pt: Wow. I don't get a good afternoon? How are you? I thought I'd at least get a how are you doing but okay then. I guess this call is going well. I need an MRI.

me: And what is your name?

pt: Jimmy Kimmel. My blood type is B positive. I have lived in Michigan my whole life. I should be in your system; I was seen in your ER back about 10 years ago.

me: And date of birth?

pt: I just told you- my name is Jimmy Kimmel. I should just pull up with my name.

me: I still need your date of birth please. We have to verify for each patient. So, what would that be?

pt: But why?

me: It's hospital protocol. May I please have your date of birth?

pt: Fine. 01/01/1960.

me: Fantastic. Looks like we do have your order here that was received this morning for an MRI of your neck. Are you claustrophobic?

pt: HELLLLLLL YES! I get panic attacks. I need to be sedated. 

me: Alright, well the sedation MRIs are not done at our location. They are only done at the other hospital, so I'll have to transfer you over to them. Would you like me to give you their number before I transfer you in case you get disconnected?

pt: But I thought I was calling Hospital Z. 

me: You are, but Hospital S is the hospital that does the sedation MRIs. All others MRIs are done at Hospital Z, just not sedation MRIs. 

pt: Alright fine then why haven't you transferred me over yet?

me: Well, I asked if you wanted their number in case you were disconnected. Did you want their number?

pt: Why would I need it if you are transferring me?

me: I'll take that as a no. One moment I'll transfer you over and they can get that set up for you.

pt: I don't even get a goodbye? No good afternoon and now no goodbye?