Episode 77

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I need to schedule an MRI appointment.

me: I have your account pulled up here and don't see any orders have been received yet. 

pt: I don't have one.

me: Did someone tell you that you needed an MRI?

pt: I can't just come in and get an MRI? I just want a whole-body scan to see how I'm doing.

me: A doctor has to write an order first before they can do an MRI. The techs and radiologists need to know what the doctor is looking for and then which part of the body needs to be scanned.

pt: So, what if I want my whole body? My arms hurt, head, back, feet. The whole thing!

me: Then you'd have to talk with the doctor about what exactly is bothering you so they can specify which part of the body needs to be scanned and then send the order over to us. If you need a whole-body scan, there may even be a different test the doctor wants to perform because MRIs are localized to one area.

pt: I'm coming in to the ER tonight anyway, I'll just ask for a scan then.

me: Coming to the ER?

pt: Yeah, I need my annual physical so I am coming to the ER like I usually do. Last time the nurses told me to find a primary care doctor but the ER is just much easier. They gave me a number to call but I threw it away. I don't need that, I got the ER.

Episode 76

 me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: My mom has an appointment this morning but we are going to be late. She had a rough time in the bathroom this morning.

me: What's her name? Let me pull up the account and see what time her appointment was.

pt: My name is Tina.

me: You're not the patient, so what is your mother's name so I can pull up her account.

pt: Mrs. Smith.

me: ...And her first name?

pt: Sally. 

me: Alright well it looks like she is scheduled at 845 with an 830a arrival. It's currently 840. How late are you saying you will be?

pt: We might not get there until about 10am.

me: If that's the case, we will have to reschedule. 

pt: But I am going to be there, just not until 10am. 

me: I understand, but there are other patients that are scheduled at that time. 

pt: She's in her 70s. She usually only takes 10 minutes in the bathroom but today she just couldn't stop going! She's been in there since 8!

me: I will have to call the department and see if there is a way they can still see her today.

pt: I was told we had to be there are 830 anyway, so you're telling me my appointment was until 845? Why'd they tell me 830?

me: They ask patients to arrive 15 minutes before their scheduled appointment so they can get registered and start the appointment on time. 

pt: Well she's been in the bathroom all morning just all kinds of constipated. We haven't even gotten her dressed! And if she's been in there that long I'm sure she will need a shower. It will take at least 45 minutes to get her showered and then it takes another 30 minutes to get there. 

me: Sounds like we should just reschedule then. It's going to be too far past her appointment time.

pt: No no no! I can get here there in 15 minutes! We'll be there by 915.

me: But I thought you needed time to get her dressed and it took 30 minutes to get to the hospital?

pt: We only live 10 minutes away so we can be there in 5 minutes.

me: I'm a little confused...but either way, you will be late. I will need to call the department to see if they can still see her today since they do have a full schedule.

*calls department*

me: The department said if you absolutely need the appointment today, they can see you. They said come over now but she may have to wait in the waiting room because they are going to try and squeeze her in between the other patients' appointments this morning.

pt: Well if we show up and we have an appointment at 845, why won't they be able to see us right away? Our appointment was first?

me: There are other patients that are scheduled for the rest of this morning. So, they will be seen at their appointment times.

pt: I don't understand. We were scheduled too.

me: Yes, for 845. The other patients have scheduled appointment times for later in the morning, so the department can't just kick their appointments off the schedule because you were late to your scheduled appointment time. That is why they said they will squeeze you in between other patients, but you just may have to wait it the waiting room. 

pt: I don't want to wait.

me: Then we will have to find a new time on a different day for the appointment.

pt: Fine. *shouts* MOM! GET YOUR ASS OFF THE TOILET WE GOTTA GO NOW!

me: I will let the department know that you are going to still come and know that you may have to wait.

pt: MOM! WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS! WE GOTTA GO NOW!

me: Alrighty well have a good day.

pt: We're on our way right now!! We'll be there in 45 minutes!!

me: 

Episode 75

 me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: My son needs to schedule an EGD. You people kept calling me back in September to schedule and I told you a bunch of times I couldn't schedule because I work and you needed to stop calling me. You gave me a number back in September to call when I was ready. I tried calling this morning to schedule and was told there was no order. Well I called his surgeon and they told me I don't need an order so you were wrong. You people are giving me the run around and I just need to schedule his EGD because he needs it before his surgery. I'm ready now and I need to schedule his EGD. And don't you dare transfer me somewhere else.

me: I'm not sure who "you people" are, because it wouldn't be our department. Our department does not schedule EGDs. The gastroenterologist offices do. So maybe they were the ones who called you back in September.

pt: Are you even listening to me? I told you it was you people. Your department who called me in September to schedule his EGD. Obviously there was an order placed then too because why else would you call me with no order. 

me: I was listening, but our department does not schedule EGDs so it would not have been us who called. Do you have the phone number they told you to call?

pt: You're clearly not listening and now I'm getting mad. 

me: I can promise you I am listening to you. 

pt: You expect me to have a number that I was given way back in September? What, you want me to go all the way back in my phone and look at my incoming calls?

me: I wasn't sure if maybe you had it written down or---

pt: So what, I'm just supposed to write down a number in September and keep it around?

me: Patients do that often. Their doctors will give them a number to call for an appointment for a later date and they will keep it on their fridge or something. It's actually pretty common. 

pt: That's just stupid. I don't have time for this. My son needs to schedule an EGD. You people said I can schedule. 

me: Well again, our department does not schedule EGDs. The gastro offices do. I can try and call the gastro office to see if they can tell me who you spoke with if you don't mind holding for a moment. 

pt: You better not be transferring me.

*puts pt on hold. calls gastro office*

me: Hi, I'm calling from Central Scheduling. We have a patient on the other line that is saying she needs to schedule an EGD and that my department called her to set that up. We don't call for that test so I'm trying to figure out who she needs to be talking to. Can you help?

office: What's the patient's name?

me: Bob Smith. It's his mom on the line.

office: We just got off the phone with her a few hours ago. Her son is a minor and we do not perform this procedure on minors. Plus there is no order in the system that has been placed.

me: She swears that someone called her back in September for an EGD. Do you happen to have any notes about something like that?

office: We keep notes back a year and we have nothing for this patient until today. There was no order in September. I have no idea what she is talking about. Also, if we saw the order was for a minor, we would have immediately called the ordering doctor anyway to let them know that we can't perform this procedure. And we told her all this earlier today. 

me: Alright then, well thanks for your help!

office: She's a piece of work. Good luck!

*hangs up, goes back to the mom*

me: I just spoke with the office and they are saying that they spoke with you earlier today regarding this appointment. They said because your son is a minor they can't perform the test. 

pt: I know, I told you that at the beginning, but you clearly weren't listening. 

me: Then I guess I'm confused why you are upset. If you knew that the test couldn't be performed, why are you calling?

pt: Because of you people!!

me: Alrighty well we are not getting anywhere. I recommend you call the surgeon because if this procedure is needed before the surgery, and the gastro office doesn't perform this procedure on minors. the surgeon will have to refer you to a different facility. But that is not something that I can help you with.

pt: Why are you people not doing your jobs!?

me: I really don't get why you keep saying "you people." 

pt: This is ridiculous.

me: I agree. I'm sorry but I have other calls I need to take so is there anything else I can help you with?

pt: Whatever. *hangs up

me: 

Episode 74

 me: Central scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: Good afternoon!!

*silence*

me: Can I help you?

pt: I said GOOD AFTERNOON!!

me: Yes, how can I help you?

pt: Wow. I don't get a good afternoon? How are you? I thought I'd at least get a how are you doing but okay then. I guess this call is going well. I need an MRI.

me: And what is your name?

pt: Jimmy Kimmel. My blood type is B positive. I have lived in Michigan my whole life. I should be in your system; I was seen in your ER back about 10 years ago.

me: And date of birth?

pt: I just told you- my name is Jimmy Kimmel. I should just pull up with my name.

me: I still need your date of birth please. We have to verify for each patient. So, what would that be?

pt: But why?

me: It's hospital protocol. May I please have your date of birth?

pt: Fine. 01/01/1960.

me: Fantastic. Looks like we do have your order here that was received this morning for an MRI of your neck. Are you claustrophobic?

pt: HELLLLLLL YES! I get panic attacks. I need to be sedated. 

me: Alright, well the sedation MRIs are not done at our location. They are only done at the other hospital, so I'll have to transfer you over to them. Would you like me to give you their number before I transfer you in case you get disconnected?

pt: But I thought I was calling Hospital Z. 

me: You are, but Hospital S is the hospital that does the sedation MRIs. All others MRIs are done at Hospital Z, just not sedation MRIs. 

pt: Alright fine then why haven't you transferred me over yet?

me: Well, I asked if you wanted their number in case you were disconnected. Did you want their number?

pt: Why would I need it if you are transferring me?

me: I'll take that as a no. One moment I'll transfer you over and they can get that set up for you.

pt: I don't even get a goodbye? No good afternoon and now no goodbye?

Episode 73 - We're back!!!

 HELLOOOO WORLD

It's been just over a year since I've posted last. 2022 was a wild ride for me (some good, lots of bad), making it rather difficult to keep sharing my stories. But now that it's a new year, I'm back and ready for action. 2023 has been off to quite a crazy start so far. Be ready - these stories get more off the wall every day!

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: Hi, I need to talk to a Lynne. 

me: I'm sorry, we don't have a Lynne in our department. 

pt: Well, they said I need an appointment. 

me: Let me take a look. What's your name?

pt: Mrs. Smith.

me: And your first name?

pt: Mrs. Smith.

me: I need your first name please. Smith is a very common last name.

pt: *deep sigh* Fine. My first name is Karen.

me: Great, and your date of birth?

pt: And why do you need that?

me: You have a very common name. I need to make sure I know who I'm talking to. 

pt: Whatever. The fifth month, the fifth day, of the fifty-fifth year. 

me: Alright well it looks like we called you because your doctor sent over a referral for an appointment with a Nutritionist. I am actually the one who called you. My name is Emily.

pt: No, the message said Lynne. Why would you say Lynne is your name is Emily.

me: Um...well, I'm not quite sure why I'd say my name was Lynne if my name is Emily. That doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

pt: That's what you said though. So, you should stop telling people the wrong name because it's confusing to us and unprofessional.

me: Yep, I'll get right on that.