Episode 88

me: Hi, this is Sally calling from Central Scheduling. I'm calling for Mrs. Franks?

pt: That is me.

me: Hi, I am calling because your physician, Dr. Smith, sent over an order for a CT scan, so I am following up to see if you'd like to schedule an appointment. 

pt: A what now?

me: A CT scan.  Ordered by Dr. Smith.

pt: I don't see a Dr. Smith.

me: You don't see a Dr. Tammy Smith? From the primary care office?

pt: I see a Dr. Tammy but I don't know her last name.

me: Dr. Tammy Smith is at the primary care office. Is that where you go?

pt: I go to a primary care place. I see a Dr. Tammy something. 

me: Okay well Dr. Tammy Smith is at that office, so that's the last name. Smith. And she ordered a CT scan. 

pt: A TP scan?

me: CT. CAT scan of the lungs. 

pt: I don't need no TP scan. What is it of?

me: The lungs.. Not a TP scan. A CAT scan of the lungs. 

pt: What body part is this test of?

me: Like I just said, the lungs. 

pt: But I don't see no Dr. Smith. I see a Tammy something. And she didn't tell me about no TP scan. I don't want anything.

me: Okay, well Dr. Smith's first name is Tammy. If you don't recognize the test, then I'd recommend following up with the office.

pt: What days are available?

me: Are you scheduling the test?

pt: What's the test?

me: A CT of the lungs.

pt: Of what body part?

me: Do we have a bad connection? Can you hear me okay?

pt: Yes, I can hear just fine. What dates are available. March 2? 3? 

me: Are you sure you are wanting to schedule? If you aren't sure of the test, I'd rather you talk with your doctor first before we schedule. 

pt: I'm scheduling. What about March 3?

me: They can do March 3 at 9am at location A.

pt: Well, I am not available March 3. What about March 28, that's my next day off. How about in the afternoon.

me: March 28 they have a 1pm at the hospital and a 130p at location B. 

pt: But I wanted the morning. What about March 3? 

me: March 3 I thought you said you weren't available. Do you want that appointment now? I guess I'm a little confused. 

pt: Nope, I want that appointment. 

me: Alrighty then. March 3 at 9am at location A. They ask that you arrive at 845am and check in at the registration desk on the third floor. Do you know how to get there?

pt: What floor is this on?

me: 3rd floor. Off the D elevator immediately to the right.

pt: And they will know who I am?

me: I mean, once you give them your name then yes. 

pt: Okay, I might cancel but thank you. Goodbye. *click

me: 

Episode 87

me: Central scheduling how can I help you?

pt: Hi, I need full-botomy please.

me: May I ask what for? Do you need lab work? 

pt: Well, it's for my husband. He needs a pint of blood taken out of him. He has too much.

Episode 86

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: Transfer me to radiology now please. 

me: May I ask what for? That way I can get you to the right area. 

pt: I need to schedule an MRI.

me: Alright well what kind of MRI? We schedule most MRIs so you might already be in the right location.

pt: My doctor ordered of the shoulder. So, transfer me to radiology now.

me: Just a regular MRI of the shoulder or an arthrogram?

pt: Why are you not transferring me to radiology?

me: Well, because if it's an MRI of the shoulder, that's something that we schedule. So, you'd already be in the right location. But if it's an arthrogram, then that's a different department. I need to know which area you should be in to get the test scheduled.

pt: *deep long sigh* OH MY GOD. It's just an MRI of my shoulder. I ain't never heard of no arth-o-gram.

me: Great, then you don't need to talk to anyone else because we schedule those appointments. What's your name?

pt: But I don't want to give you my name. 

me: Then I guess we aren't scheduling any appointment for you.

pt: Transfer me to radiology.

me: Radiology does not schedule MRI shoulder appointments- we do. But I can't schedule without you giving me your name.

pt: I don't want to give you my name though.

me: Then I'll say the same thing as before. I cannot schedule without your name so if you aren't going to give me your name then we can't set up an MRI appointment.

pt: I shouldn't need to give you my name to set up an appointment. 

me: 

Episode 85

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: *sneezes super loud into to the phone*

me: Oh, bless you.

pt: *sneezes super loud again into the phone* I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me.

me: It's alright, what can I do for you?

pt: *sneezes again* Oh my goodness what is happening!

me: Bless you.

pt: I just need to set up an *sneezes again* appointment.

me: Are you okay?

pt: I'm not sure what came over me. I just need an MRI appointment. *sneezes again* I think I might be dying. I need to call back. *hangs up*

Episode 84

 me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt (talking in an extremely feminine voice): I need to schedule an appointment for myself. 

me: What is your name?

pt: Dennis Smith

me: And your phone number that would be on the account?

pt: 867-5309.

me: *the phone number is pulling up a female account with the same last name but first name Karen* And the date of birth?

pt: 01/01/1980.

me: I'm sorry, did you say you're scheduling for yourself?

pt: Yes, for Dennis Smith.

me: And you are Dennis Smith? That phone number is not pulling up the account.

not the pt: No, I'm not Dennis. Dennis is my husband.

me: Alrighty well the phone number you provided is not listed in his account so what is his phone number?

not the pt: You're telling me you can't look it up by his name?

me: We just need to make sure that we have the correct phone number on file. We have 123-4567. Is that still his number?

not the pt: But I'm scheduling his appointment so why would you need his phone number? 

me: In case any person needs to reach out regarding the appointment, what phone number should they be calling. 

not the pt: 123-4567.

me: Alright so the number we have is correct, that's good. 

not the pt: No, you should have mine.

me: I mean I can add yours to the chart as well. 

not the pt: No, I'm scheduling the appointment so you should only have my number.

me: So, the 123-4567 number you told me they should be calling is incorrect?

not the pt: No, you should be calling me.

me: Alrighty then, if any person needs to contact your husband, Dennis, regarding his appointment, what number should they be calling?

not the pt: 123-4567. 

me: That's what we already have, so that's great.

Episode 83

This is a story about a callback. 

pt: Hello?

me: Hi, this is Central Scheduling at the hospital just returning a phone call. 

pt: Hello Central scheduling. 

me: Hello, how can I help you?

pt: Well, you called me?

me: Yep, you requested a call back so...I'm calling back! 

pt: Oh.

me: Yep. 

pt: Alright then.

me: So....why did you want a call back?

pt: Not sure.

me: Did you need to schedule any appointments for any tests?

pt: I really don't know.

me: Hmm... okay well I'm not sure how else I can help then- but if you do remember what you needed, feel free to give us a call back and we will definitely help.

pt: Thank you so much, have a great day!

me: 

Episode 82

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I need to schedule for my husband, Robert.

me: What's his last name?

pt: Frank.

me: And date of birth?

pt: Frank.

me: Date of birth?

pt: Robert Frank. 

me: ...and the date of birth?

pt: 4/5/67

me: So, to schedule an appointment we do have to have the physician's order faxed over and on file first. We have not received any testing orders for your husband yet, so you'll have to call the office and have them fax the order over before we can schedule.

pt: I have the order right here. The doctor gave it to me, not faxed it to you. We just left the office.

me: I understand that you have the order with you, but we do require the order to be faxed over before we schedule. A lot of times offices will give patients the order as well as fax it to us. If he just left the office, they may still be in the process of getting that faxed over if you want to wait and then call back. They might just need a little more time to get that sent over.  

pt: You're going to need to call the office then, because they gave me the order and it's not my problem you need the paperwork. I don't have a fax machine.

me: Okay, well that's why I said to call the doctor's office and have them fax the order.  You aren't required to fax it, the doctor's office does. 

pt: I LITERALLY JUST ASKED YOU FOR THE FAX NUMBER ARE YOU DEAF.

me: Actually, you did not ask for the fax or else I would have given it to you. 

pt: HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO YOUR JOB!

me: I'm sorry, do my job?

pt: YOU MUST REALLY BE DEAF. WHAT IS THE DAMN FAX NUMBER.

me: Well-

*click* the pt hung up on me.