Episode 61

 me: Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I received a bill from ABD Radiology. Can you tell me what it's for?

me: I cannot, because this is not ABD Radiology. You have to call them.

pt: But why can't you help me?

me: Because this is *place where I work* not ABD Radiology. If you had a test done through them, you have to call them regarding your bill.

pt: I don't see why you can't just help me.

me: Because we are a completely different location. It'd be like going to Kroger for your Walmart return. 

pt: Can you give me their phone number?

me: I cannot, but you should be able to google it. 

Episode 60

On today's episode, a tale from another underpaid scheduler.

CW: Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I need to schedule a stress test.

CW: Okay, these tests are only done in the morning so I have 8, 830, or 9am available.

pt: Oh, I need an afternoon appointment because I have diarrhea in the mornings.

CW: Oh...that's unfortunate but the test is only done at those times.

pt: But I have diarrhea in the mornings.

CW: And I'm sorry for that, but they are only done in the mornings.

pt: Do you have bathrooms? Because I have the diarrhea.

Nope. We are a fully staffed, fully functioning hospital with no bathrooms. 

Episode 59

 me: Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I need to schedule a CT colonography.

me: Okay, any day of the week that you need?

pt: Fridays, and it has to be the latest appointment you have.

me: Well this test is only done in the mornings because of the prep.

pt: My doctor said there was no prep. What prep do I need for this?

me: It's similar to a colonoscopy and it's a 3 day prep.

pt: Well make a note I'm refusing the prep. I just want the test.

me: They can't do the test without the prep, so no. I can't just make a note. If you don't want the prep you can call your doctor and discuss that with him before making an appointment.

pt: Whatever, fine. Just schedule me the latest morning appointment you can.

me: How about next Friday at 10am?

pt: That's fine.

me: Okay, so the prep will need to be picked up anytime between today and no later than the Tuesday before the appointment.

pt: So I have to waste my day to come in twice to pick up this stupid prep?

me: Or you can call your doctor and tell him you have an issue with the prep. But yes the prep has to be picked up from the same location you check in no later than the Tuesday before the test.

pt: Fine, I guess I'll go pick it up. Now where do I check in for my surgery?

me: I don't know, we don't have anything to do with the surgeries. You have to call the doctor who set that up.

pt: Well what about my prep instructions for that surgery?

me: Again, I don't know because I only do outpatient testing, not surgery. 

pt: Well it's not until November and I already have you on the phone so just tell me.

me: I can't just tell you because I don't have anything to do with the surgeries. I don't have that information.

pt: What kind of scheduling department are you if you can't tell me about my surgery?

me: The scheduling for testing department. 

pt: Fine, I guess I'll call the doctor but I'm not happy about it.

me: Wonderful!

Episode 58

 me: Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I need to schedule a CT scan.

me: Great, and your name?

pt: I don't know.

me: I'm sorry, you don't know your name?

pt: Oh you want my name? I thought you said my fame!

me: That doesn't even make sense. What is your name?

pt: Fred.

me: ...and your last name?

pt: I just told you. Fred.

me: Your last name is Fred? Then what is your first name.

pt: Fred.

me: So your name is Fred Fred?

pt: No it's Fred Smith.

me: There ya go, that's what I needed. *sets up CT scan* Alright, so the CAT scans moved to a new location.

pt: Woah woah, I'm stopping you right there. I need a CT scan. Not a CAT scan. Are you even paying attention?

me: Sir, a CT and a CAT scan are the same thing.

pt: Well I don't know that, don't give me attitude. I'm not a doctor.

me: I'm not giving you attitude, I'm simply telling you that CTs and CAT scans are the same thing. So would you like the address to the facility?

pt: I guess so.

me: 1234 Hospital Lane

pt: What lane?

me: Hospital.

pt: What's that? Bit lane?

me: Is our connection bad? I said hospital lane. h-o-s-p-i-t-a-l

pt: Oh, hospital. Dumb name but okay. 

me: Great, you're all set. Have a nice rest of your day!

pt: Yeah, sure. whatever. *click

me: 

Episode 57

pt: Hi my husband needs a TC of his head.

me: *pulls up account* Well it looks here that we have an order for an ultrasound of his thyroid ordered by Dr. Fred.

pt: Yes, same test but different doctor.

me: Tell me again what your order says?

pt: I just read it to you. TC of his head just ordered by a different doctor. 

me: Okay, I don't know what a TC is. Does the order say TC?

pt: No it's the same test that you said you had just ordered by a different doctor.

me: We have an ultrasound order, and I have no idea what a TC is. 

pt: TC! 

me: Are you trying to say CT? Like CAT scan?

pt: That's what I've been saying! Are you going to schedule or not?!

 

Episode 56

 me: Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I need to cancel my appointment.

me: Okay, I will get that cancelled for you. You are all set.

pt: Well how do I know that you cancelled me appointment?

me: I'm telling you that I cancelled it.

pt: Will I be receiving a confirmation that it's been cancelled?

me: It doesn't look like you're in MyChart so there is no other way they send out cancellation confirmation.

pt: But how do I know that you cancelled it?

me: Because I told you that I cancelled it.

pt: But what if you're lying?

me: I can promise you, I wouldn't lie about cancelling your appointment. Is there anything else I can do for you? 

pt: Cancel my appointment please.

me: