Episode 82

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I need to schedule for my husband, Robert.

me: What's his last name?

pt: Frank.

me: And date of birth?

pt: Frank.

me: Date of birth?

pt: Robert Frank. 

me: ...and the date of birth?

pt: 4/5/67

me: So, to schedule an appointment we do have to have the physician's order faxed over and on file first. We have not received any testing orders for your husband yet, so you'll have to call the office and have them fax the order over before we can schedule.

pt: I have the order right here. The doctor gave it to me, not faxed it to you. We just left the office.

me: I understand that you have the order with you, but we do require the order to be faxed over before we schedule. A lot of times offices will give patients the order as well as fax it to us. If he just left the office, they may still be in the process of getting that faxed over if you want to wait and then call back. They might just need a little more time to get that sent over.  

pt: You're going to need to call the office then, because they gave me the order and it's not my problem you need the paperwork. I don't have a fax machine.

me: Okay, well that's why I said to call the doctor's office and have them fax the order.  You aren't required to fax it, the doctor's office does. 

pt: I LITERALLY JUST ASKED YOU FOR THE FAX NUMBER ARE YOU DEAF.

me: Actually, you did not ask for the fax or else I would have given it to you. 

pt: HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO YOUR JOB!

me: I'm sorry, do my job?

pt: YOU MUST REALLY BE DEAF. WHAT IS THE DAMN FAX NUMBER.

me: Well-

*click* the pt hung up on me. 

Episode 81

I would like to preface this story by giving some background information. When a person calls in to schedule, if they do not want to wait on hold there is an option for a callback. With this feature, a person says they want a callback, enters their phone number and the system automatically dials the person's number to keep their place in line. The following tale is about a callback, and it's important to remember the patient has to choose to receive one - we don't automatically call a patient back. 

*ring ring*

pt answers: What the hell do you people want? Leave me alone!

me: Um... you requested a callback. So, you asked us to call you.

pt: I told you people to leave me alone.

me: Well sir, again...you asked us to call you back. 

pt: I received a bill from you people for $29. I didn't even see the doctor.

me: This isn't billing tho-

pt: I am talking here. I didn't even go to your facility. I ain't seen no doctor there. PLUS I have Medicare and Medicaid and they pay for all my things, so what the hell is this bill for. My name is Tim Tom and my date of birth is 3/3/80. I'm already in your system, but I ain't been to this doctor before. I ain't got no $29 fee either. You better re-bill my information because I don't pay nothing with my Medicare and Medicaid. I'm on disability and they pay for it all. What Medicare doesn't pay, Medicaid does. I'm not paying no $29. You better get your shit together because I haven't even been to your office so how did you even get my information. So for the last time, I never want to hear from you again. Don't bother calling me because if I hear from you again I'm pressing charges. That is illegal. 

me: Hold on, I'm -

pt: *click* 

me: 

Episode 80

 me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I need to schedule an x-ray.

me: Is it just a regular x-ray? If so, those are just a walk-in, so you don't have to schedule anything.

pt: I don't know what I need. I just need an x-ray.

me: Alright well let's see what your doctor sent over. What's your name?

pt: Can't you just tell me what test I need?

me: I can...once you tell me your name so I can pull up your account.

pt: Karen Hill.

me: Alright looks like the doctor ordered an ultrasound of your thyroid. Does that sound right?

pt: Yep that's what I need! An x-ray! That's what I said. So I don't have to schedule an appointment then?

me: This one is an ultrasound, which is different than an x-ray. This does need to be scheduled. What dates or times work best for you?

pt: Right now.

me: They don't have anything today so what other dates or times work?

pt: But my doctor said I can have it done today.

me: The department leaves for the day at 4p. It's 515p so there is nobody there to do the test today.

pt: Then why did the doctor tell me to come over?

me: That is something I cannot answer, I'm sorry. Did you want to find a different day then?

pt: What about tomorrow at 9am.

me: They do not have an opening for tomorrow at 9am but they had a cancellation and had a 130p open. Would that maybe work?

pt: Nope, I only want 9am.

me: Okay well the next available 9am is next Thursday. How does that sound?

pt: But why not tomorrow?

me: They don't have a 9am tomorrow. Only the afternoon at 130p. And then that was because there was a cancellation, otherwise the next available overall that is next Thursday. 

pt: So nothing earlier?

me: Nope, if tomorrow at 130p doesn't work then next available is next Thursday.

pt: Why nothing earlier?

me: Well, the schedule is full...

pt: I'm trying the other location. Goodbye. *click

me: 

Episode 79

 me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: My appointment was at 4pm today and I missed so it so I need to reschedule.

me: What's your name?

pt: Tommy.

me: And last name?

pt: Tommy.

me: Your last name?

pt: Tommy Smith.

me: And date of birth?

pt: Tommy Smith.

me: I said your date of birth?

pt: March 6. 

me: Of what year?

pt: 1950.

me: Thank you. It looks like your appointment was actually at 215p today.

pt: Oh, I guess I really done missed it! 

me: When works best to reschedule?

pt: Well, I ain't talk to my doctor yet. I gotta do that first. They gave an order with my mom's once I need the test too. We go to the same doctor. I got the stones, not her.

me: I mean, you were already scheduled so we have the order here already for your test... I'm sorry I'm a little confused. I mean, if you want to talk to the doctor before rescheduling that's fine. The appointment has been cancelled, so you are all set.

pt: Great! Hopefully I don't end up in that damn ER cause of these stones.

me: Are you sure you don't want to reschedule? We wouldn't want you to end up in the ER.

pt: Nope, I'll talk with the doctor first. Have a good day!

me:

Episode 78

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: So I woke up this morning and realized I don't have my order! That's why I have to cancel.

me: ...okay? 

pt: I have to cancel!

me: Well, they wouldn't have scheduled without the doctor's order, so if you have an appointment already then you should be good to go.

pt: I still need to get the order though.

me: If the doctor sent it over though, then you don't need to bring a copy because we have it.

pt: I don't even have an appointment yet.

me: But I thought you said you needed to cancel? So you do or do not have an appointment?

pt: Nope, I don't have an order. That's why I have to cancel. 

me: I'm confused...

pt: Okay goodbye! *hangs up

me:

Episode 77

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I need to schedule an MRI appointment.

me: I have your account pulled up here and don't see any orders have been received yet. 

pt: I don't have one.

me: Did someone tell you that you needed an MRI?

pt: I can't just come in and get an MRI? I just want a whole-body scan to see how I'm doing.

me: A doctor has to write an order first before they can do an MRI. The techs and radiologists need to know what the doctor is looking for and then which part of the body needs to be scanned.

pt: So, what if I want my whole body? My arms hurt, head, back, feet. The whole thing!

me: Then you'd have to talk with the doctor about what exactly is bothering you so they can specify which part of the body needs to be scanned and then send the order over to us. If you need a whole-body scan, there may even be a different test the doctor wants to perform because MRIs are localized to one area.

pt: I'm coming in to the ER tonight anyway, I'll just ask for a scan then.

me: Coming to the ER?

pt: Yeah, I need my annual physical so I am coming to the ER like I usually do. Last time the nurses told me to find a primary care doctor but the ER is just much easier. They gave me a number to call but I threw it away. I don't need that, I got the ER.

Episode 76

 me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: My mom has an appointment this morning but we are going to be late. She had a rough time in the bathroom this morning.

me: What's her name? Let me pull up the account and see what time her appointment was.

pt: My name is Tina.

me: You're not the patient, so what is your mother's name so I can pull up her account.

pt: Mrs. Smith.

me: ...And her first name?

pt: Sally. 

me: Alright well it looks like she is scheduled at 845 with an 830a arrival. It's currently 840. How late are you saying you will be?

pt: We might not get there until about 10am.

me: If that's the case, we will have to reschedule. 

pt: But I am going to be there, just not until 10am. 

me: I understand, but there are other patients that are scheduled at that time. 

pt: She's in her 70s. She usually only takes 10 minutes in the bathroom but today she just couldn't stop going! She's been in there since 8!

me: I will have to call the department and see if there is a way they can still see her today.

pt: I was told we had to be there are 830 anyway, so you're telling me my appointment was until 845? Why'd they tell me 830?

me: They ask patients to arrive 15 minutes before their scheduled appointment so they can get registered and start the appointment on time. 

pt: Well she's been in the bathroom all morning just all kinds of constipated. We haven't even gotten her dressed! And if she's been in there that long I'm sure she will need a shower. It will take at least 45 minutes to get her showered and then it takes another 30 minutes to get there. 

me: Sounds like we should just reschedule then. It's going to be too far past her appointment time.

pt: No no no! I can get here there in 15 minutes! We'll be there by 915.

me: But I thought you needed time to get her dressed and it took 30 minutes to get to the hospital?

pt: We only live 10 minutes away so we can be there in 5 minutes.

me: I'm a little confused...but either way, you will be late. I will need to call the department to see if they can still see her today since they do have a full schedule.

*calls department*

me: The department said if you absolutely need the appointment today, they can see you. They said come over now but she may have to wait in the waiting room because they are going to try and squeeze her in between the other patients' appointments this morning.

pt: Well if we show up and we have an appointment at 845, why won't they be able to see us right away? Our appointment was first?

me: There are other patients that are scheduled for the rest of this morning. So, they will be seen at their appointment times.

pt: I don't understand. We were scheduled too.

me: Yes, for 845. The other patients have scheduled appointment times for later in the morning, so the department can't just kick their appointments off the schedule because you were late to your scheduled appointment time. That is why they said they will squeeze you in between other patients, but you just may have to wait it the waiting room. 

pt: I don't want to wait.

me: Then we will have to find a new time on a different day for the appointment.

pt: Fine. *shouts* MOM! GET YOUR ASS OFF THE TOILET WE GOTTA GO NOW!

me: I will let the department know that you are going to still come and know that you may have to wait.

pt: MOM! WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS! WE GOTTA GO NOW!

me: Alrighty well have a good day.

pt: We're on our way right now!! We'll be there in 45 minutes!!

me: