Episode 86

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: Transfer me to radiology now please. 

me: May I ask what for? That way I can get you to the right area. 

pt: I need to schedule an MRI.

me: Alright well what kind of MRI? We schedule most MRIs so you might already be in the right location.

pt: My doctor ordered of the shoulder. So, transfer me to radiology now.

me: Just a regular MRI of the shoulder or an arthrogram?

pt: Why are you not transferring me to radiology?

me: Well, because if it's an MRI of the shoulder, that's something that we schedule. So, you'd already be in the right location. But if it's an arthrogram, then that's a different department. I need to know which area you should be in to get the test scheduled.

pt: *deep long sigh* OH MY GOD. It's just an MRI of my shoulder. I ain't never heard of no arth-o-gram.

me: Great, then you don't need to talk to anyone else because we schedule those appointments. What's your name?

pt: But I don't want to give you my name. 

me: Then I guess we aren't scheduling any appointment for you.

pt: Transfer me to radiology.

me: Radiology does not schedule MRI shoulder appointments- we do. But I can't schedule without you giving me your name.

pt: I don't want to give you my name though.

me: Then I'll say the same thing as before. I cannot schedule without your name so if you aren't going to give me your name then we can't set up an MRI appointment.

pt: I shouldn't need to give you my name to set up an appointment. 

me: 

Episode 85

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: *sneezes super loud into to the phone*

me: Oh, bless you.

pt: *sneezes super loud again into the phone* I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me.

me: It's alright, what can I do for you?

pt: *sneezes again* Oh my goodness what is happening!

me: Bless you.

pt: I just need to set up an *sneezes again* appointment.

me: Are you okay?

pt: I'm not sure what came over me. I just need an MRI appointment. *sneezes again* I think I might be dying. I need to call back. *hangs up*

Episode 84

 me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt (talking in an extremely feminine voice): I need to schedule an appointment for myself. 

me: What is your name?

pt: Dennis Smith

me: And your phone number that would be on the account?

pt: 867-5309.

me: *the phone number is pulling up a female account with the same last name but first name Karen* And the date of birth?

pt: 01/01/1980.

me: I'm sorry, did you say you're scheduling for yourself?

pt: Yes, for Dennis Smith.

me: And you are Dennis Smith? That phone number is not pulling up the account.

not the pt: No, I'm not Dennis. Dennis is my husband.

me: Alrighty well the phone number you provided is not listed in his account so what is his phone number?

not the pt: You're telling me you can't look it up by his name?

me: We just need to make sure that we have the correct phone number on file. We have 123-4567. Is that still his number?

not the pt: But I'm scheduling his appointment so why would you need his phone number? 

me: In case any person needs to reach out regarding the appointment, what phone number should they be calling. 

not the pt: 123-4567.

me: Alright so the number we have is correct, that's good. 

not the pt: No, you should have mine.

me: I mean I can add yours to the chart as well. 

not the pt: No, I'm scheduling the appointment so you should only have my number.

me: So, the 123-4567 number you told me they should be calling is incorrect?

not the pt: No, you should be calling me.

me: Alrighty then, if any person needs to contact your husband, Dennis, regarding his appointment, what number should they be calling?

not the pt: 123-4567. 

me: That's what we already have, so that's great.

Episode 83

This is a story about a callback. 

pt: Hello?

me: Hi, this is Central Scheduling at the hospital just returning a phone call. 

pt: Hello Central scheduling. 

me: Hello, how can I help you?

pt: Well, you called me?

me: Yep, you requested a call back so...I'm calling back! 

pt: Oh.

me: Yep. 

pt: Alright then.

me: So....why did you want a call back?

pt: Not sure.

me: Did you need to schedule any appointments for any tests?

pt: I really don't know.

me: Hmm... okay well I'm not sure how else I can help then- but if you do remember what you needed, feel free to give us a call back and we will definitely help.

pt: Thank you so much, have a great day!

me: 

Episode 82

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I need to schedule for my husband, Robert.

me: What's his last name?

pt: Frank.

me: And date of birth?

pt: Frank.

me: Date of birth?

pt: Robert Frank. 

me: ...and the date of birth?

pt: 4/5/67

me: So, to schedule an appointment we do have to have the physician's order faxed over and on file first. We have not received any testing orders for your husband yet, so you'll have to call the office and have them fax the order over before we can schedule.

pt: I have the order right here. The doctor gave it to me, not faxed it to you. We just left the office.

me: I understand that you have the order with you, but we do require the order to be faxed over before we schedule. A lot of times offices will give patients the order as well as fax it to us. If he just left the office, they may still be in the process of getting that faxed over if you want to wait and then call back. They might just need a little more time to get that sent over.  

pt: You're going to need to call the office then, because they gave me the order and it's not my problem you need the paperwork. I don't have a fax machine.

me: Okay, well that's why I said to call the doctor's office and have them fax the order.  You aren't required to fax it, the doctor's office does. 

pt: I LITERALLY JUST ASKED YOU FOR THE FAX NUMBER ARE YOU DEAF.

me: Actually, you did not ask for the fax or else I would have given it to you. 

pt: HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO YOUR JOB!

me: I'm sorry, do my job?

pt: YOU MUST REALLY BE DEAF. WHAT IS THE DAMN FAX NUMBER.

me: Well-

*click* the pt hung up on me. 

Episode 81

I would like to preface this story by giving some background information. When a person calls in to schedule, if they do not want to wait on hold there is an option for a callback. With this feature, a person says they want a callback, enters their phone number and the system automatically dials the person's number to keep their place in line. The following tale is about a callback, and it's important to remember the patient has to choose to receive one - we don't automatically call a patient back. 

*ring ring*

pt answers: What the hell do you people want? Leave me alone!

me: Um... you requested a callback. So, you asked us to call you.

pt: I told you people to leave me alone.

me: Well sir, again...you asked us to call you back. 

pt: I received a bill from you people for $29. I didn't even see the doctor.

me: This isn't billing tho-

pt: I am talking here. I didn't even go to your facility. I ain't seen no doctor there. PLUS I have Medicare and Medicaid and they pay for all my things, so what the hell is this bill for. My name is Tim Tom and my date of birth is 3/3/80. I'm already in your system, but I ain't been to this doctor before. I ain't got no $29 fee either. You better re-bill my information because I don't pay nothing with my Medicare and Medicaid. I'm on disability and they pay for it all. What Medicare doesn't pay, Medicaid does. I'm not paying no $29. You better get your shit together because I haven't even been to your office so how did you even get my information. So for the last time, I never want to hear from you again. Don't bother calling me because if I hear from you again I'm pressing charges. That is illegal. 

me: Hold on, I'm -

pt: *click* 

me: 

Episode 80

 me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: I need to schedule an x-ray.

me: Is it just a regular x-ray? If so, those are just a walk-in, so you don't have to schedule anything.

pt: I don't know what I need. I just need an x-ray.

me: Alright well let's see what your doctor sent over. What's your name?

pt: Can't you just tell me what test I need?

me: I can...once you tell me your name so I can pull up your account.

pt: Karen Hill.

me: Alright looks like the doctor ordered an ultrasound of your thyroid. Does that sound right?

pt: Yep that's what I need! An x-ray! That's what I said. So I don't have to schedule an appointment then?

me: This one is an ultrasound, which is different than an x-ray. This does need to be scheduled. What dates or times work best for you?

pt: Right now.

me: They don't have anything today so what other dates or times work?

pt: But my doctor said I can have it done today.

me: The department leaves for the day at 4p. It's 515p so there is nobody there to do the test today.

pt: Then why did the doctor tell me to come over?

me: That is something I cannot answer, I'm sorry. Did you want to find a different day then?

pt: What about tomorrow at 9am.

me: They do not have an opening for tomorrow at 9am but they had a cancellation and had a 130p open. Would that maybe work?

pt: Nope, I only want 9am.

me: Okay well the next available 9am is next Thursday. How does that sound?

pt: But why not tomorrow?

me: They don't have a 9am tomorrow. Only the afternoon at 130p. And then that was because there was a cancellation, otherwise the next available overall that is next Thursday. 

pt: So nothing earlier?

me: Nope, if tomorrow at 130p doesn't work then next available is next Thursday.

pt: Why nothing earlier?

me: Well, the schedule is full...

pt: I'm trying the other location. Goodbye. *click

me: 

Episode 79

 me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: My appointment was at 4pm today and I missed so it so I need to reschedule.

me: What's your name?

pt: Tommy.

me: And last name?

pt: Tommy.

me: Your last name?

pt: Tommy Smith.

me: And date of birth?

pt: Tommy Smith.

me: I said your date of birth?

pt: March 6. 

me: Of what year?

pt: 1950.

me: Thank you. It looks like your appointment was actually at 215p today.

pt: Oh, I guess I really done missed it! 

me: When works best to reschedule?

pt: Well, I ain't talk to my doctor yet. I gotta do that first. They gave an order with my mom's once I need the test too. We go to the same doctor. I got the stones, not her.

me: I mean, you were already scheduled so we have the order here already for your test... I'm sorry I'm a little confused. I mean, if you want to talk to the doctor before rescheduling that's fine. The appointment has been cancelled, so you are all set.

pt: Great! Hopefully I don't end up in that damn ER cause of these stones.

me: Are you sure you don't want to reschedule? We wouldn't want you to end up in the ER.

pt: Nope, I'll talk with the doctor first. Have a good day!

me:

Episode 78

me: Central Scheduling, how can I help you?

pt: So I woke up this morning and realized I don't have my order! That's why I have to cancel.

me: ...okay? 

pt: I have to cancel!

me: Well, they wouldn't have scheduled without the doctor's order, so if you have an appointment already then you should be good to go.

pt: I still need to get the order though.

me: If the doctor sent it over though, then you don't need to bring a copy because we have it.

pt: I don't even have an appointment yet.

me: But I thought you said you needed to cancel? So you do or do not have an appointment?

pt: Nope, I don't have an order. That's why I have to cancel. 

me: I'm confused...

pt: Okay goodbye! *hangs up

me: